Living in a coastal temperate rainforest, I’m always kind of surprised when the brighter days bloom after months of darkness. It’s like I forget it’s even an option, that we won’t be clouded in grey forevermore. I was on my evening walk (evenings walks are back!) and noticed the emerging cherry blossoms, magnolia, daffodil, all on the precipice of being in full bloom. It always feels like nothing is happening, like we live in a perma-winter, and then all at once, light, life, breaks through.
I feel the same. I last wrote here about a return to reality, and then fell off again. I wrote about taking action, and then haven’t messaged since. Isn’t that how it goes.
This winter, I slowed. A deeper hibernation than I’ve had before, taking the cues for lots of rest and ease after a busy year. And now, I’m starting to feel ready to emerge again. There’s still the discomfort (always) where I’d rather curl up, zone out, consume, but also the joy of trying to create instead. Even when I only write to check the box, I trust that together, all the days I show up—some good, some bad, some cursory—will string together into something. At least, a wake of action. Where I’ll be able to look back and say “I tried”.
So, here I am. It’s been a life few months of ups and downs: decluttering and moving house, bigger work projects with a smaller team, the grey doldrums of the pacific northwest, a surprising vision diagnosis (more on that soon). And, completing said work projects, a re-inspiring trip to LA (incl. getting caught in a downpour in a $20 bagel lineup), lots of really pleasant chats with many small chats with strangers in line-ups, a cheap Tuesday night movie routine with friends.
Through it all, I continue to try and listen to my body and its wisdom—when to push, when to ease up. I trust that in the background, the seeds have been brewing and energy storing. I trust that blooms are ahead.
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PS: I’m still working sharing #100badpoems over on Instagram, and would love to see you there. This week, I posted a bit about the inspiration behind the project. I look forward to finishing that this year, and maybe even turning it into a small pocket book of poems. Thanks for being here!
moody tuesdays is a tangle of feelings and inspiration and art and words. written by kelly sherstobitoff. not always on tuesdays.